The Tale of Sir Robin Continues
by MissFeral
Summary: My extended version of the Tale of Sir Robin from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Love that movie!


Brave Sir Robin was trotting calmly through the forest of Ewing on his invisible horse. His loyal minstrels trailed behind him, singing merry tunes about Sir Robin's courage.

They warbled:

 _~When the scary giant lingered near,_ __

 _He boldly ran away in fear,_ __

 _He scampers off when there's trouble about,_ __

 _He's a kitty-cat without a doubt,_ __

 _Oh, Brave Sir Robin._ __

 _He's very careful to avoid a fight,_ __

 _He chickens out each day and night,_ __

 _If evil comes and makes a mess,_ __

 _Sir Robin will soil his pants from stress,_ __

 _Dear, Dear, Brave Sir Robin~_

"Stop it! Enough!" Robin yelled, covering his ears in frustration. He had been listening to that same melody for the last hour, ever since he escaped right under the noses of the Three-headed Giant. "No more singing! You're making me crazy!"

The minstrels shushed up for the time being.

The Three-headed Giant wasn't the end of their troubles, however.

"Where art thou going~?"

Sir Robin stopped his horse and drew his sword. "Who goes there?"

The minstrels looked around, but they saw nothing except trees.

"I can help thee find what thou seek~"

Sir Robin looked around with wide eyes, as the breathy, feminine voice seemed to surround them like a mist of exotic perfume.

"Where are you? Show yourself!" Robin tried to sound brave, but could hear his voice trembling. He wasn't quite as courageous as his favorite minstrels tried to tell him. After all, his full name was Sir Robin The-Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot.

"I am called Ptelea~"

"What manner of beast are you?" Robin inquired, moving slowly through the dark trees in search of the source.

The voice began to giggle. It was a dark, sinister kind of mirth.

A wide-eyed Robin followed the voice to the source...a large rock.

"Whoever be under that boulder come out immediately! We have thee surrounded by surrounders!" shouted the knight.

Slowly, the rock opened up from the earth like a trapdoor. Huge, fiery, red eyeballs peered up at the terrified Sir Robin.

"Spare me! Don't hurt me!" Robin cried.

The creature emerged from the ground in a mist of pink smoke. It was a horribly odd creature, having the bodily shape of a young woman but covered in dark pink fur. She had striking red eyes and long fingers with claws. The creature had a sleek tail with a feathery tuft on the end of it. She smiled, revealing a mouthful of pearly white fangs.

Sir Robin knew what this beast was. He had heard the tales but prayed they weren't true. This was a monster so dreaded, it was rarely discussed because of the panic and paranoia it caused. This monster fed on the energy of humans, knights in particular, and cowardly knights in particular particular. This ruthless beast went by many names, but she most commonly called herself...

The Tickle Monster.

Sir Robin had never been so frightened in his life...and for him, that's saying quite a lot. He was very ticklish.

The minstrels were gone! They had abandoned their leader, leaving him to fend for himself.

"It's time to play with Ptelea," giggled the monster.

She flicked the sword and shield out of his hands and hung him on a tree, tying him by the wrists. Then she tied his legs to the tree trunk so he couldn't kick. The monster peeled away his armor and clothing like he was a banana. She even removed his boots so that he was barefoot.

Now wearing only his underpants, the petrified knight wet himself.

The evil monster giggled, and stood behind the tree where Robin couldn't see her. He shook and trembled like a scared little baby.

"Don't, don't, please no! Don't tickle!" he whimpered, now even more terrified since he couldn't see the beast or what she was doing.

Ptelea waited behind the tree for a moment, and then reached her hands around and began scratching Robin's exposed bare armpits with her claws. She was very gentle, so she wouldn't rip open his flesh.

The second those fingers touched his sensitive underarms, Robin exploded with shrill laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP! THAT TICKLES! HEEHEEHEHEEHEHEHEHE!"

"Ptelea is happy this tickles you," mocked the monster, as she continued scribbling in his pits.

Robin thrashed around, banging his head on the hard tree as he bucked. His face turned red with hysteria and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! PLEASE PLEEEEEEEEASE!" he laughed.

The Tickle Monster could feel herself getting stronger, as the knight got weaker.

After a mere three minutes of armpit tickling, Robin was on the verge of fainting. Ptelea stopped, wishing to keep him conscious until she was completely fueled up. She needed to drain every ounce of energy from his body, the same way a vampire needs to drain blood. She wouldn't stop until he was dead.

"I beg mercy! No more tickling. Release me, I beg of you!" Robin pleaded.

Ptelea ingored his pleas, and jumped in front of him to continue the torture. She started tickling his ribs, sides, and belly.

Robin's shrieking laughter rang through the dark forest. He fought and struggled in his bonds, but he was helpless.

"OH LORD, STOP TIHIHIHICKLING ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T STAND IT, PLEASE HEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!"

The sadistic monster giggled when Robin peed in his undies again. After five minutes, she decided it was time to tickle someplace else and sat down at his exposed bare feet.

"N-no more! P-please don't tickle me anymore! I...I'll do anything you want! Just leave my feet alone," Robin begged, looking at the monster with tear-filled eyes. His voice quivered as he spoke.

"How ticklish are thy feetsies?" Ptelea asked, grinning in a most devilish way.

"Very," he replied, blushing. "But please don't tickle me there, Madam. You'll kill me if you do!"

She chuckled darkly. "It's always so fun when they beg..."

With that, she grabbed her long tail and used the feathered tuft to tickle the soles of Robin's feet.

"AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OOOOOOOHH PLEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE! YOU'RE KILLING ME! HEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE! I'M TICKLISH! I'M AFRAID TO DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Being a tickle expert, Ptelea knew exactly how long she could tickle someone in a certain spot before they passed out...or died. She could tell instantly that Sir Robin's feet were his most ticklish spot. There was no way he would last longer than a minute being tickled there. Ptelea wasn't going let him faint though. She was going to literally tickle the life right out of his body.

Then a little mouse scurried by.

Ptelea's eyes widened in horror and disgust. She screamed in terror. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MOUSE! MOOOUUUSE! GET IT AWAY! AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

She wailed and wept and jumped around in a state of pure terror. The little mouse freaked out, causing it to squeak and run around in small circles. This scared Ptelea even more! She screamed and ran away from the mouse as fast as she could.

When Sir Robin regained his composure, he realized what had happened and couldn't believe it...the evil, horrible, ferocious Tickle Monster was scared of mice?

Well...once a female, always a female.

Then, the minstrels appeared. They had been hiding in the trees and shrubs the whole time!

"Has the beast gone?" they asked.

Sir Robin glared at them, absolutely infuriated!

"Cowards!" he shouted. "How dare you swine run away like a gaggle of geese and leave me alone with that creature! I was almost killed!"

"We are inspired by your bravery, Brave Sir Robin!" came the reply.

"I warn you all! Someday I will get very hungry and you, my minstrels, will satisfy my appetite. I will have my revenge."

They cut Robin down from the tree and the knight continued his journey, the pesky minstrels at his tail.

The minstrels sang:

 _~Brave Sir Robin, nickle and pickle,_ __

 _He laughed and laughed when he got a tickle,_ __

 _The monster tore away his clothes,_ __

 _And tickled his little toes,_ __

 _Oh, Brave Sir Robin._ __

 _He got tickled everywhere,_ __

 _And he peed in his underwear,_ __

 _He surely felt like a foolish louse,_ __

 _When he got rescued by a mouse,_ __

 _Brave, brave, brave, Sir Robin~_ _  
_  
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

The End


End file.
